Nameless for Now

I finally heard from the three doctors who are working my case. Apparently the one doctor who I thought was going to pursue a possible answer is now decided to back down. (Again I truly believe there are unfortunate circumstances circumventing his position as my doctor). The surgeon said he saw nothing of significance which to me sounds kind of like a contradiction to what my primary doctor had said three days ago. But my primary consulted with another doctor and they are now agreeing to send me back to a specialist who back in June told me she can't help me. They both also agree that I should get a second opinion from someone in the same specialty. As I run my hands agitatedly over my face, I'm not sure what to do other than pray. I'm growing increasingly nervous because my weight is dropping and my symptoms are getting worse. 
Yesterday was a particularly bad day, but just an example of how I live. Waking up with the shivers and severe nausea is anticipated so much that I hide a big bowl in my room so I don't have to run to a bathroom to become ill. I'm finding now that one of my biggest frustrations is the lack of consistency I can give to people. When I say I'm going to be somewhere, I used to always follow through. Now I am beginning to realize that I can't be that person all the time with this illness. I don't like that, but it does give me time to reflect on God and what he's doing with my life. I appreciate those times. I just also wish I could be the friend and person I was. Well, that's not realistic because the Lord is growing me in so many ways. But I look forward to the day when I can actually share what's happening in my life in person or meet with good people for coffee as normal people usually do :

If you could please pray for my aunts and uncles, my uncle Jimmy is dying of throat cancer. We just found out and we're not sure how long he has. My aunt is with him caring for him and I just pray for her strength and courage in caring for her brother. That he feels how much we love him and how God loves him through her.

Thanks all
Britt

MRI Results

I am very thankful that I am not claustrophobic because my MRI took two hours to perform. It was the strangest test I've had done so far. The Lord was good to me and brought me so much peace that day. I knew in my heart that this was the final step in finding what was wrong. Today, one of my doctors called with the preliminary results. He couldn't tell me much over the phone and he asked me to call a surgeon. However, he was able to give me some information. Apparently the MRI did show that the tissue in my stomach is much thinner on the lower right side compared to my left side. This can result in either a perforation or an ulcer. It does explain my pain levels, why activity makes it worse, why I have no appetite, my nausea, and other serious symptoms. He didn't say what caused it or what we are going to do to fix it, but suggested I call my surgeon right away. (Which I've done and waiting to hear from him now)


This may not seem like it, but this is an amazing development for me and my family. It is something to work with and I would just like to say that I think it is amazing that I got this call today. January 17, 2010 exactly one year from the day the pain began. Exactly one year and one week from the night I prayed for a year that would bring me closer to God. I may be reading into this, but I do not think this is a coincidence. The Lord has to good of a sense of humor for that. 


I don't know what is going to happen next, so please keep in your prayers that my surgeon knows what to do with this new piece of information. 


Also I would just like to thank you for your prayers for my family in our grieving process. Yesterday made it a month since my beloved Grandma passed away. Yesterday we took her ashes to the beach and let her out into the morning current. It was a beautiful day and the Lord keep the rain at bay until we were able to pray and watch the sun rise. It was the strangest feeling for me as I felt like I was getting a piece of closure, but I also couldn't really say goodbye. I'm not sure if it is because I know I'll see her again or I am being selfish by not wanting to await the day. But I feel like she's still very much apart of my life.


My mother is still in particular really struggling with this loss. Please pray for her because as she is my best friend, so was my Grandma to her. As much as I hurt, I cannot imagine the pain my mom feels. I see it in her eyes every day. So please pray for her endurance and for the comfort of the Lord to wash over her. 
Blessings to you all
Britt