Reading

"For the sake of My name I delay My wrath, and for My praise I restrain it for you, In order not to cut you off. Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, for My own sake I will act." Isaiah 48:9-11b
One of my very good friends showed me this verse and I have been thinking about it constantly for the last 48 hours. At this point you may be asking why? God sounds so selfish and arrogant if you will in this very short passage. Lest He could sound this way if the person does not know or understand the full love of God. So the reason that this passage was so profound to me is because I viewed it from the perspective of our culture. We live in a postmodern albeit pessimistic society. One of the main questions young adults ask themselves is, "why am I here." Over many years there has been attempts by culture to fill the void that is the meaning and purpose for man. Yet here it is simply and powerfully written in the verse. Because God still sees some hope in man to bring Him praises he restrains His wrath against all of the evil we do towards Him. That is simply God's grace and forgiveness. The point, my dear ones, is that we were created to bring Him praise and Glory. True, sometimes it is hard to understand how best to do that. But the nugget of gold here is that this is the answer to life. This is the reason  you and I are on this earth. We are here to bring praise to God almighty.
Now I had to ask myself why I didn't understand this to such a degree that I did yesterday. I believe that because of our culture, many of us view our calling as being our purpose. In fact they are two very different things. Our calling is the gift God has blessed us with in order to fulfill our purpose of glorifying him. Keeping in mind that the Bible tells us to glorify HIm in all that we do, even eating and drinking, this single verse has brought so much hope to my life. Yes, the universe is a huge place and I am only one person. But God sees that as so valuable that me holds back His wrath so that I may continue to have an chance to praise Him.
Little epiphany of my own, thanks for reading!

Post Surgery

Well, I feel as though I am probably being redundant by writing this... but this blog has become very cathartic and special to me. My apologies if I do repeat myself - you can stop reading now my friend :)
It has been three weeks since my surgery. I feel amazing. So much so that I had no idea how painful my life had become before May 12 when I started the process of getting my life back. Three tiny little scars on my stomach later... I thank God everyday. 
Endometriosis is the phantom that was hiding from the doctors for a full year and half/ 18 months/ 548 days. This is a genetic condition that is fixable. The doctors said that they caught it early enough to prevent severe damage. I have started to add extra precautions to make sure that it doesn't get out of control again. Provided I'm careful, I shouldn't need another surgery. Unfortunately, there is a chance, but my doctor appears to doubt that it will return and is being professional in just giving me the possible outcomes. If I need surgery again, we know now what needs to be done and what happened for the last 18 months won't happen again. I am so thankful that the Lord didn't see fit to allow it to go on anymore than this. In the grand scheme of life, he was very merciful to have it last so short a time.
So recovery... isn't fun. I feel - can I describe the joy properly? I feel amazing. I am so excited. I am full of energy. And all I am allowed to do is walk lol. No exercise, lifting, running, no fun! This may sound rather spoiled, but at the end of July when I am "done" with my rest I am going to run down the street. I literally dream about running lol. I also have every intention of going bowling. I haven't been in far too long.  
Life post surgery has been good. At first I felt like I would imagine what I would feel if I got hit by a truck. That only lasted for about three days. My doctor was shocked when she called to check up. I am a head of schedule as far as how I feel. There are a few sharp pinches here and there from nerve damage around the incisions, but I am rather thankful for them. They let me know I'm healing. The hardest part is that many of my muscles have atrophied from not being used much the last few months. My legs get so tired after walking just a few blocks. Hysterically my abs are all but not existent. My posture rather sucks right now - but we're working on that -as I straighten my back while I write to you. 
I hope that this is the last blog about this chapter of my life. Though the Lord made many great things come out of the experience if he should see fit to do it again then we'll talk again. I just wanted to say that I am so thankful for everyone who prayed for me, read this, cried and laughed with me, asked how I feel, listened, and encouraged. I am so blessed to have so many lovely people in my life. I truly showed me what it is we have to look forward in heaven. All under one God praising him and loving each other... How exciting. Thank you all for showing the love of God. May he bless you and keep you always.
Love 
Britt

Surgery

Hello my faithful and wonderful friends. I just got the best birthday present anyone could ask for. I told you all that I was approved for surgery. The situation became complicated when one party was requesting a preventative appendectomy and the other party was unwilling to provide a secondary surgeon to be available. We were hoping basically to have two procedures done at once.  What I didn't share with you was that they were saying I may have to wait up to four months to have it done. There were several complications that made scheduling my operation very difficult to coordinate. However, the office called me today to tell me that my post-op appointment will be on May 5th and that the surgery is on the books for May 12th. (Five days after my graduation, the Lords timing is amazing.). I am still not clear on whether or not they are going to perform the appendectomy as we've been praying for. However, when I spoke to my doctor yesterday, he had mentioned that this appointment wasn't to be made until he could find a surgeon to have it removed. Being that it has been scheduled makes me believe that he has chosen a surgeon to perform the second surgery while I am in op already.
A lot of information and still many unknowns because we are working with so many different doctors it can be hard to keep everything straight. The best news is that things are still moving along at a decent pace. Even better that we may finally have an authorization for the preventative appendectomy. Thank you so much for your prayers.
Love always
Britt

Guardian Angel

I never thought I would have news so soon after writing to you. I had another doctors appointment this afternoon with an OB/GYN specialist who wanted to talk with me about my condition. (That makes four doctors appointments with Kaiser in less than two weeks, unheard of before now.) I have two wonderful things to say. These doctors have been doing a particular examination on me that is very very painful. As it turns out, I just needed to be honest with them about how much it hurt me and there is another form of the test they can do that is not painful at all. So no more bad tests! Secondly, this OB is also a surgeon and she feels as though I should have the lapriscopic surgery. The reason being is that she is fairly confident that I may have endometriosis in which she can remove the damaged tissue that is causing all of my pain. On a side note, they are also going to look at my appendix and possibly remove it just to be on the safe side of things. The request for the surgery went in today, but it is going to take about a month or so for them to be able to set it up. I really don't care. I've been in pain for fifteen long months and I highly doubt a couple more will break me. I was so surprised because it sounded to me as though they had already decided to do this surgery before I even got examined today. This means that my doctors are finally talking to each other and coming to agreement that something must be done. It is an answer to all of our prayers. While this may not be the final answer it is a step in a direction that we've not taken yet. I am so encouraged and I just wanted to share with you all the good news. Thank you so much for sticking with me through all of this.
May God Bless you and keep you always.
Love
Brittany

Encouragement

Its been a while since I talked to you friends. Mostly because I had nothing new to tell. But now I have something very encouraging to share with you. So I hope you enjoy this change of tone. I am very excited and I've been praising the Lord all afternoon. I do want to preface this with letting you know that even though today was a break through, we have a long way to go.
My Aunt Terry is very involved in the Medical world. She's superwoman and she actually runs the Sheila R. Veloz Center at Henry Mayo. She has been looking for someone who could possibly help me with my situation. Low and behold, the Lord grants answers to our prayers and my Aunt Terry sends me to an angel.

Today I met with someone outside of the Kaiser program. Expensive, but completely worth it. She was unbelievably sweet, compassionate, and on fire to get me better. The first thing she suggested I may have was chronic appendicitis. I have to share with you that my mom, grandma and I have thought it was appendicitis since about March of last year. Because there is no test, we've asked five different surgeons for the lapriscopic analysis needed to see if the appendix is bad. They have all said no without providing any further suggestions for diagnosis or even offering a reason for denying the surgery. The second thing my Angel said was that I may have endometriosis, which also requires lapriscopic analysis for diagnosis. She repeatedly said she would like me to undergo this procedure. 
Because of the system's organization, she could not give me a referral, but she can send me to another doctor who can send me to Kaiser with a referral. I have already spoken with the people who are going to get involved and the ball is rolling. Please pray that their voices be heard by Kaiser because they will most likely ignore the advice of these outside physicians. If so, my case could be dragged out for a very long time and I am in so much pain. It's also getting progressively worse. I don't want to be a burden on my family and friends anymore either. So I am encouraged. I hope you are all encouraged with me. I am so thankful for your prayers. They give me so much strength. May God bless you and Keep you always.
Love Always
Brittany <3

Checking In

I haven't been posting lately because I have been really busy (Understatement to anyone whose never been a Maid of Honor). My best friend got married last Sunday and as I was anticipating, and hoping for, I spent the entire weekend with her getting ready. The wedding was beautiful and the Lord blessed me with an almost pain free day. Unfortunately the two days that followed were recovery days and they weren't so great. But, I finished one of my classes today so I am hoping that despite the remaining 22 units on my plate I will have more free time.
So, here's the deal with the doctor stuff. My amazing mom was able to get a hold of all of the imaging I've had done over the last year. This includes all X-rays, ct scans, MRI's ultrasounds, doppler flows, berium tests ect. We have them on a CD in digital view and we've left it with my aunt who works in the medical field. She and some of her colleagues are going to view them and see if they can discover any new anomalies. It's a group of people we trust very much so we are hoping for the best and preparing for well.... nothing I guess since nothing seems to be what everyone sees. I'm off to class. I hope you are all well and may the Lord watch over you and keep your hearts strong. All my love
~Britt

Nameless for Now

I finally heard from the three doctors who are working my case. Apparently the one doctor who I thought was going to pursue a possible answer is now decided to back down. (Again I truly believe there are unfortunate circumstances circumventing his position as my doctor). The surgeon said he saw nothing of significance which to me sounds kind of like a contradiction to what my primary doctor had said three days ago. But my primary consulted with another doctor and they are now agreeing to send me back to a specialist who back in June told me she can't help me. They both also agree that I should get a second opinion from someone in the same specialty. As I run my hands agitatedly over my face, I'm not sure what to do other than pray. I'm growing increasingly nervous because my weight is dropping and my symptoms are getting worse. 
Yesterday was a particularly bad day, but just an example of how I live. Waking up with the shivers and severe nausea is anticipated so much that I hide a big bowl in my room so I don't have to run to a bathroom to become ill. I'm finding now that one of my biggest frustrations is the lack of consistency I can give to people. When I say I'm going to be somewhere, I used to always follow through. Now I am beginning to realize that I can't be that person all the time with this illness. I don't like that, but it does give me time to reflect on God and what he's doing with my life. I appreciate those times. I just also wish I could be the friend and person I was. Well, that's not realistic because the Lord is growing me in so many ways. But I look forward to the day when I can actually share what's happening in my life in person or meet with good people for coffee as normal people usually do :

If you could please pray for my aunts and uncles, my uncle Jimmy is dying of throat cancer. We just found out and we're not sure how long he has. My aunt is with him caring for him and I just pray for her strength and courage in caring for her brother. That he feels how much we love him and how God loves him through her.

Thanks all
Britt

MRI Results

I am very thankful that I am not claustrophobic because my MRI took two hours to perform. It was the strangest test I've had done so far. The Lord was good to me and brought me so much peace that day. I knew in my heart that this was the final step in finding what was wrong. Today, one of my doctors called with the preliminary results. He couldn't tell me much over the phone and he asked me to call a surgeon. However, he was able to give me some information. Apparently the MRI did show that the tissue in my stomach is much thinner on the lower right side compared to my left side. This can result in either a perforation or an ulcer. It does explain my pain levels, why activity makes it worse, why I have no appetite, my nausea, and other serious symptoms. He didn't say what caused it or what we are going to do to fix it, but suggested I call my surgeon right away. (Which I've done and waiting to hear from him now)


This may not seem like it, but this is an amazing development for me and my family. It is something to work with and I would just like to say that I think it is amazing that I got this call today. January 17, 2010 exactly one year from the day the pain began. Exactly one year and one week from the night I prayed for a year that would bring me closer to God. I may be reading into this, but I do not think this is a coincidence. The Lord has to good of a sense of humor for that. 


I don't know what is going to happen next, so please keep in your prayers that my surgeon knows what to do with this new piece of information. 


Also I would just like to thank you for your prayers for my family in our grieving process. Yesterday made it a month since my beloved Grandma passed away. Yesterday we took her ashes to the beach and let her out into the morning current. It was a beautiful day and the Lord keep the rain at bay until we were able to pray and watch the sun rise. It was the strangest feeling for me as I felt like I was getting a piece of closure, but I also couldn't really say goodbye. I'm not sure if it is because I know I'll see her again or I am being selfish by not wanting to await the day. But I feel like she's still very much apart of my life.


My mother is still in particular really struggling with this loss. Please pray for her because as she is my best friend, so was my Grandma to her. As much as I hurt, I cannot imagine the pain my mom feels. I see it in her eyes every day. So please pray for her endurance and for the comfort of the Lord to wash over her. 
Blessings to you all
Britt